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No preface necessary, what follows is a true account of my battle with the old wooden toilet seat cover.  Never again, will I have one.  The brass became oxidized and started to peel in annoying little particles making the toilet appear dirty all the time, as though I never cleaned…ahem…my bathroom???  I think not!

The Battle

I had a fight
with the toilet seat cover last night,
and I won!
At first, she wouldn’t give it up
but I persisted.
You’ve got to go”
I said to her
“you cause more to clean
than I care to do.”
I pried one side of her off
then her top and bottom came away.
but still she clung on!
The last vestiges of her
would not let go.
No matter how hard  I tugged,
hammered, or twisted
she hung on for dear life!
She wasn’t going to beat me!
On my hands and knees
I was…
ready to do battle till the end!
One of us had to give up
and it wasn’t going to be me!
I thought, and I thought
and it hit me!
Her one weakness…
I lit her up…
that little plastic thing
as tenacious as she was
didn’t have a chance.
Oh she didn’t go on the first try,
but she finally melted
with my dogged determination
and finally she came away!
Victoriously, I pulled the screw through,
and voila!
There’s nothing like
a new toilet seat cover
pristinely white and unused
smooth to the touch
and untouched by humans..
I was the first!

~Loly Mireles 21 sept 11