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To the store I went.
He needs shoes.
The ones he has
have disintegrated.
Once there,
at the second hand store,
I thought…
a pair of warm corduroy pants
would be nice
instead of the shorts he’s wearing
that don’t keep him warm
in the approaching cold
or the wet weather we’ve been having
I looked, I chose, I bought.
Brought home they were,
these articles of clothing
for my homeless son.
I waited for the inevitable door bell ring.
It came.
I brought out the shoes and pants.
“I bought these for you”
“No” he said, just like that.
No reason, just no. I didn’t ask why.
It didn’t matter.
Sometimes he has no reason.
“Do you have any food?” he asked.
“No” said I.
“How about some coffee?” he continued unfazed.
“No” said I.
To which I added…
“You can leave now and don’t come back.
Don’t come back asking for anything anymore.
If you won’t take what I’ve bought for you,
then don’t ask me for food and coffee”
I have principles too.
Am I surprised?
No, I am not.
Am I disappointed?
Yes, I am.
Why am I disappointed?
Am I disappointed because my one gesture of
motherhood was rejected?
Because now I can’t say that
I bought something for my homeless son,
the poor thing, he should be grateful?
I’m not sure…
maybe I’m disappointed at how things have turned out
and there’s nothing I can do.
He’s made his decision.
I don’t condone it,
and I won’t feel sorry for him.
But I did want him to feel warm,
and have dry feet.
But he doesn’t care.
He’s been living outside for over a year,
in the rain, in the snow, in the freezing cold.
He’s managed before,
he’ll continue to manage
on his own terms.
No new shoes for him.

Loly M.
November 3, 2013